Cancer Etiquette: How to talk to people with Cancer.

I just read an insightful article written by Rosanne Kalick, titled, "Cancer Etiquette: A Survivor's Perspective on Effective Communication" which was in the Caregiver's Guide for Bone Marrow/Stem Cell Transplant produced by the National Bone Marrow Transplant Link (2007). This article is a just a taste of her book, similarly titled, Cancer Etiquette: What to Say, What to Do When Someone you Know or Love Has Cancer.  (Available at Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Cancer-Etiquette-What-When-Someone/dp/0874604508/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1409238495&sr=1-1&keywords=cancer+etiquette). 

There was so much great information in the article (link attached).  I learned some things that I will take to Cleveland with me and try to apply when I talk to Todd or ask him questions.  For example, instead of asking how he is, ask, "How are you today?"  (p. 16).  Another admonition: "don't tell the patient how great he looks" but instead say "You are looking stronger today."  She gives advice about statements that dismiss concerns, like "you're not going to die" and identifies sensitive topics to avoid discussing like: hair loss, personal issues (sexual side effects), and/or your own strong religious views unless these were topics you were able to discuss openly before the cancer diagnosis. (p.16-17).

The best advice she says she can give: "When in doubt about what to say, don't say it." The most important words to say instead are: "I love you."  (p.17).

In offering help, Kalick says to be specific about what help you can offer.  Instead of saying things like, "Let me know if I can help" or "If you need me, I'm here" say (for example), "I'm available on Monday evenings to run errands" or "Can I bring a meal on Friday?" (p. 17).

Kalick gives some advice about visiting I found useful. She says that your presence, touch, or hug is often more important that words or there may be times when "silence may be best the connector." (p. 17).

She wraps up the article by giving suggestions or guidelines for gifts.  Transplant patients are much different from other patients in regards to what they can eat, touch, or have in their room.  Magazine subscriptions, CDs or books that are "short and light," emails, video messages, photos, or jokes are good suggestions. (p.18). I have also read that soft blankets or hats/beanies are nice for any cancer patient.  She says to "plan for the long haul" and "work in community" when giving support to a family dealing with cancer. 

I have a general mailing address for Todd, but we won't know his room number until he is admitted.  I will post this information all at once when I get it on September 7, 2014 if anyone wishes to send a note of encouragement.  In the meantime, I am putting together a photo album to take with us.  If you would like to send me a funny or cheerful photo via email or snail mail, I would love to include it.

I wish I had read this article sooner.  It has helped me to re-evaluate my words and my actions when addressing cancer patients.  Hope you find a moment to read it!

Please follow this link to read the short three-page article: http://www.nbmtlink.org/resources_support/cg/cg_dontknow.htm